Have the old man explain to me the difference between bleeding and crying 

Let him hold his big books and tell me that I’m lying 

Have him look me dead in the eye and tell me I’m not trying

He’s not denying

It hurts

For what it’s worth

He’s closer to dying

His words, so mystifying 

I’m just a little girl 

Falling asleep in the back of the car on the way home 

Waking only slightly when the car slows to a final halt

Small cracks appearing in the mud of my sleep

And in between my eyelids

Am I really sleeping or do I just want to be carried up to bed?

I love the feeling of my socks being pulled off by someone else

Even now

Am I really asleep?

Am I really so tired?

Or am I lazy and a liar?

Just old enough to be having these thoughts

Still small enough to be carried upstairs 

Am I really so weak?

Where does the weakness end and the sickness begin?

Which parts of my weakness are my sickness?

Which is my truth and which is my subconscious sneaking in?

Is it a lie if I do not know it is a lie?

Is it my sickness if he is who put it there?

I am tired

I am tired

Am I tired?

Am I tired or am I a liar?

Have the old man explain to me the difference between bleeding and crying

Am I really tired?

If you slap me hard enough will I wake up?

Enough coffee and I’ll become a real girl

It hurts it hurts it hurts

I’m listening I’m listening

I’m listening so hard my ears have gone red

They’re going to fall off

But that’s okay because he loves getting out his little needle and thread 

And stitching me up again

Do I love it too?

Have the old man explain to me again the difference between bleeding and crying

One is red and one is blue

One makes sense and one is see through

One you can and one you cannot see through

He likes mixing them together and calling it a soup

An old family recipe 

His favourite food

I am so hungry

I just want to eat

I just want a place to call my own

What I’d give for those muddy sleeps

In the car ride home 

A half lie that I am still sleeping

Having my socks pulled off and the covers pulled over me

Sinking right into the night 

Have the old man explain to me again the difference between bleeding and crying

You’re alright 

Pass the tissues

Shut up

Take this to numb the pain

You’re alright 

Apply pressure and it stops

Apply pressure and it stops

Apply pressure 

And it stops.